So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
FUCK WHALES
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
