only if we run a train.
done.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize