Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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