..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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