I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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