Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
