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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
