you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
