ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
