New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
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