well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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