That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
