Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
