Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She told me I should be a condom model.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Randomize
