I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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