They should really pass out barf bags in church
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
should my penis look like a turkey
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You ruined the universe
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
