so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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