I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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