it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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