i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
