piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
