I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
