i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
