she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
