Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
