She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
