Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
