So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
