yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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