O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
