; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
