i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize