Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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