Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
