it was like eating out sand paper
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
