Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
A bitchslap is in order.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
