You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
