Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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