Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
