DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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