I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
