Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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