I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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