the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
