i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I just found a bag of teeth...
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Randomize