oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
