super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
