dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
We were destined to go to rehab together
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
