i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
