I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
