i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I deserve this hangover.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize