we're blogging at a bar
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
