The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
