and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
