oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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