Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
