I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
