Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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