yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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