why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
