You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
