I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
