The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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