Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
