Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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