I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
