Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
