seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
