saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
