suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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