I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
