:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
