I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
