In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
