How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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