wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize