I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
handjob tips. give me some.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
